Welcome to my first smear.  Much like Scott from Season 5 of The Wire, I’ve been promoted due to general incompetence and flat-out lies.  Now, just like Scott, I want my Pulitzer.  You hear me, Houston Press?  Rookie Blogger of the Quarter or some such.  Why an award for validation?  Because the Jesus pieces can’t give me peace.  Sorry, Moose Knuckle, you’re ruled ineligible due to the fact that you only cover one sport and Jon Lovitz is the “master” of that “sport.” 

Here are your local H-Town sports updates. 

Texans

With one week until the draft, Gary Kubiak is doing important and timely things like giving coaching clinics in Colorado.  While he was there, he also pre-drafted seven Colorado State players and traded for three Broncos.  Says Kubiak, “It’s what I was going to do anyway.  Colorado for life, son.”

We can neither confirm nor deny that Kubiak did or said these things.  But would it really surprise anyone if he had?

Rockets

I'm telling everyone who picked or bet against them to “STFU.”  Well, everyone except babies.  Apparently Joe Pryzbilla wanted to guard Yao one on one (Even Mrs. Pryzbilla thinks that is a bad idea.  Joel Pryzbilla would have a bearded wife).  It is indeed “on your shoulders,” you Full Metal Jacket-looking mope.  Next smackdown is Tuesday night, which is way past the Random Baby's Bedtime.  

Comets

Still dead. If you get sentimental thinking about Tina Thompson, here are some nostalgic pics.

Astros

They Lost 4-2 to the Reds (from Cincinnati, not Russia). They play the Reds again tonight, which will probably give Reginald Blackstone another ulcer.  In other news, apparently the Astros have already started into “no one believes in us” mode.  The problem is that this tactic only works if the team doesn’t suck.  They have no pitching, subpar defense, and a lack of timely hitting.  I’d be more worried if someone did believe in them. 

Aeros

The Aeros are up 2-1 over the Peoria Rivermen, which makes sense when you think about the team nicknames.  Aeros are dive bombers and Rivermen are the guys who drink moonshine and paddle up and down the river like Huck Finn. Let’s just hope that the next series isn’t against the Ft. Lauderdale Anti-Aircraft Defense Systems.  And boom goes the dynamite.  What's the best part about going to an Aeros game?   Yelling, “Hey, Rivermen.  Puck you!”  One could do that tonight at 7:05 pm at the Toyota Center.  It's the best $10 you’ll ever spend on this side of the border.     

Dynamos

The Dynamos beat the Colorado Rapids 1-0 on a Brian Ching goal at the 20th minute. The Rapids had more yellow cards (three) than shots on goal (two).  Come on, Colorado, yellow cards are like getting to second base with a lady-friend.  Grow a pair or don’t come to Club Robertson Stadium anymore. 

University of Houston

Coogs baseball team beat Memphis 8-5.  Next up is the Random Baby Momma’s first college, Stephen F. Austin.  We’re only 30 games under 500—bad year for Houston baseball.  

Rice University

Breaking News – Rice Girls Are Ugly. Actually, that isn’t so breaking.  Here is Rice admitting it.  Us cool dudes at Fourth and Fifty actually make Rice Girls Are Ugly t-shirts every year for the Nerd Bowl.  You will see from the wikipedia page that UH wins this matchup at a robust 250 percent clip.  

Source: Click Here